My problem for now

We humans aren't perfect and once in a while, we make mistakes and end up in problems which prove difficult to solve. When it comes to problems, I mostly try to solve them myself without involving anybody. There's this satisfaction that comes with solving your own problems yourself without asking for help, and this can sometimes involve doing research on how to go about it, which is usually what I do most of the time. This is why my friends say I'm a very resourceful person, but I also know when to ask for help, especially when it's taking too much time to figure things out or in critical situations.

The major problem I have right now is connecting with people; I'm very bad at it and I have lost so many friends over the years. Even when I eventually reconnect with a friend after a long while, I don't put in the effort to maintain communication and after a while, things die out again and all is forgotten. The reason why this is a problem is because I wasn't like this before, I have a very strong connection with people and I'm always communicating with my friends but everything changed after COVID-19, I became so withdrawn and it was like I suddenly lost interest in humans.

Yesterday I met one of my former classmates at the university while doing clearance and after chatting for a while, she said "You just went low-key when we entered 300 level, nobody was hearing from you again." I just laughed and told her that I had become serious with my studies but even I knew that was a lie. Now I don't even have many friends like before but even with the few ones I have I still find it hard to maintain that friendship with them. I told myself that I would always try to check up on them at least twice a month but I haven't even done that this month.

At one point I tried reading books like "How to Win Friends and Influence People", "Atomic Habits" and some other personal growth books and after a while I just gave up. The worst thing is that my career field (web development) is one where networking is very important. In fact, many experienced people in this line of work have said the best way to get a job in this field is to have a good network with people but I find it hard to do that. I joined groups on Discord with people who have similar interests but am I active in those groups? No.

I always give excuses like "I don't have enough time" or "I will do that later" but later never comes, I just keep postponing it. This problem has been there for years but I always ignored it but now it is bothering me. This one is not even about talking to strangers (let's not even go there) but maintaining the connection with friends, talking to strangers is another problem on its own but it wasn't a problem before COVID-19. I don't know, I just feel the COVID-19 lockdown affected a lot of us in ways we can't even explain.

Anyway, I don't know the solution to this my problem yet or maybe I know but I'm refusing to deal with it. Last year, I read someone's story here on Hive with a similar problem to mine and she managed to overcome it, so maybe I indeed know the solution but I just don't want to leave my comfort zone. Anyway, sooner or later I won't be able to run from it anymore, I will eventually have to face this problem head-on and either overcome it or remain overpowered by it.

Thanks for reading

Connect with me on:
Twitter: @kushyzeena
Readcash: @kushyzee